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My ‘Homeless’ Teacher

 so today I went for my usual walk at the great lines, a heritage site in my hood!. God lives there!, not kidding lol! I feel him…. As I tip-toed through the quiet, wet path in attempt to keep my trainers clean, Crawling from under a bush, a familiar, eloquent voice greeted 

” Hello my sister” making my heart jump in surprise. It was my “homeless friend” I smiled and stopped walking as he picked a few more pieces of litter before pulling himself up to the path next to me. I was happy to see him. Only moments earlier I’d said a little prayer and promised God that if I ever saw him again, I would stop and talk to him…I didn’t expect it to be so soon. “Spooky!” I considered.

Tom is a tall, healthy weighted, ok looking fella. He may not be ‘Brad Pitt’, but he certainly isn’t aesthetically challenged. He is well spoken like a learned individual or someone from a well-off family which contradicts his look. I have seen Tom twice before and both times he had smiled and said hello ‘my sister’.First time I answered uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact…He was dirty, homeless and carrying bags of litter, mental health is on the increase especially in these unprecedented times.…I reason. However, his regard seemed to bother me. It was kind and hopeful and did not match his dirty clothes and Sainsbury trolley pushed in front of him.

Second time I met Tom, I had noticed him from a distance and wished I could diverge to avoid him. I hoped he wouldn’t recognise me…..

 “ Hello my sister” he had greeted from a distance. I had braved it and pretended to be comfortable. Conversing about the weather, I had increased pace to lengthen the distance between us. Multiple thoughts had crossed my mind. I wondered who he was, why he was on the streets yet so eloquent and kind when he spoke. For the next few days I pondered on this stranger….but left with no sure answers, just speculation. May be Covid ‘the unprecedented times’ we are all talking about got him off work, may be mental illness, may be may , may be…. 

Today was different. I had made a vow to God…. I needed to commit…. Yet….. small, embarrassing thoughts kept crossing my mind…. ‘If only I’d gone south instead of North…., if I hadn’t talked to him the first time I wouldn’t  have to deal with this ……

I silenced them swiftly. They were against my newly adopted mantra…. ‘judging people not on their looks but their destiny’. 

“How are you doing ?” Tom queried excitedly. I returned the same enthusiasm. 

“Im great!”. For a moment I did feel great for having braved it and listened to the small voice within.

“Try and stay dry”, I joked as he wiped rain drops from his face. I considered inviting him under my umbrella (the Jesus side of me) but the other not-so-jesus-like side was embarrassed to be seeing cosy under an umbrella with a homeless man. 

“what would people think …?”

‘Corona’ is a very good excuse even for Jesus people, I reassured myself as I watched more of the now continuous drizzle wash his face shiny. 

“sorry,I can’t share my shelter”, I muttered hypocritically.

Tom must have read my mind probably betrayed by my long regard at his bags of litter resting on the path. This was my chance to find out all about him, I concluded. 

He did not seem to be in a hurry or bothered by the rain. I mirrored his determination. After a few phrases were exchanged to remove any awkwardness,  I went for it.

“So where do you take these” I queried with interest pointing to his now full trolley?.Playing a responsible citizen for a moment, gathered all my knowledge about social problems and their solutions; salvation army church came first, I worked with them last Christmas. They feed the homeless, Shelter, they house the homeless, job centre, second chance charity,…. I was well armed.

“Oh I put them in designated bins”, he replied with pride.

“I volunteer to keep the lines clean, you see” he added. For the next five minutes he explained his dream to see the heritage site clean and see people enjoy and take responsibility……. My countenance must have changed a few times as I got discipled into caring for my environment. 

Ashamed on the inside, I apologised on behalf of humanity for being so careless and promised to play my part to ensure the great lines was clean. I haven’t got a ‘Tesco trolley’ yet, but I started picking a litter or two along the way as I walk the lines. 

But my main lesson was not to pass judgement based on external observation good or bad. It is very limited. Potential and destiny are probably  better measures.  

You live and learn.

JD

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post Covid mental well being

So we have survived Covid! or have we ?

There is emerging evidence of anxiety and other mental health issues at this time we are in. In fact, One of the governments main concern  is the mental welfare of the country. The most common issues affecting our wellbeing are worry about the future (63%), feeling stressed or anxious (56%) and feeling bored (49%).

One thing I’ve learnt  as we’ve  gone through this time,  is that humans are resilient! we are wired that way! we can survive great oppression and continue to live on. We have survived slavery, holocaust, wars, earthquakes and we are still moving forward. We are stronger than we think!

It is important to remember that we all have a reserve of resilience but we need to believe in ourselves and get that strength to sustain us in times of challenges. I am not belittling or denying real problems people are going through!. it is hard out there and i’ve met people who are really suffering as a result of Covid.

While some degree of worry is understandable, we have to pay attention that it does not dominate our lives.

so here are some tips on how to deal with anxiety and stress as we come out of lockdown:

-Don’t binge on news; use news sparingly to stay updated

-Go for walks; fresh air and environment is good for the mind and good exercise

-Talk to people on the phone or social media

-Practice breathing ; it relieves stress physically and mentally

-Practice mindfulness: Live in the now  letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. Live your life consciously.

-If you are struggling get help. Don’t wait too long, it ill get you down

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Workload and its effect on children

Limited data are available regarding the effects of domestic chores workload on psychological problems among children. Nevertheless, it is fact and multiple studies have reported that reduced workload does reduce stress. This is mainly for adults and at the work place. In my research on the impact of workload on children, I found that the workload was in Parents or carers lives other than children’s and it had secondary effects as a result. So I am going to address this more.

Having said that, I found a few studies that showed stress among children who are carers for their siblings or parents. This was mainly among illness situations, poverty stricken families or in war zones.

Workload when it is beyond what we have time or skills to do results in stress. A stressed carer or parent will not function in full capacity as expected. Children do not know that the parent or carer is stressed and really they should not have to deal with that stress. However, in reality it spills over to them and can have detrimental effects on their lives. Workload closely ties in with busyness! Or lack of time. Several studies have been done on the effect of this workload on family and children. Leinonenet al (2003) found out that Workload was related to less authoritative fathering. This is mainly where the father is so busy and stressed that he has little time or motivation to exercise his authority as the leader of the family. Moller et al (2007) in his study found a significant correlation between experiences of household workload and the quality of couple relationship and children’s temperament. He concluded that a society with a high level of equality between men and women, positively impacted on relationships as well as children.

In my opinion when it comes to children, anything that negatively impacts on them should be prioritised and dealt with urgently. This is because kids are very fragile and negative experiences can have detrimental effects years later. Research has found several things that we can do to reduce our workload and hence reduce the impact it has on families including children. These include: 1) Acknowledge your limits and Learn to say no , 2)Pick and prioritise, One thing at a time, Deal with deadlines, 5)Take regular breaks and learn to relax, 6)If no other posibilities exist, Move on. 

In short, when it comes to children, they are priority and whatever affect them is prioritised even when it seems important. Work has become very important to our modern society and we struggle to balance work and financial demands. It is an individual decision but it does not balance against children stress. I suggest involving the children in taking breaks and relaxing  to kill two birds with one stone. It is quite challenging especially when one is self employed because pressure mounts up but it is doable with planning. 

As mentioned earlier, workload ties in with busyness and lack of time. I suggest planning work time with your children so that they know what time you will be at work and what time you have for them. It makes it easier for them to wait and expect you to be available for them. Having said that, when it is their time, then it needs to be theirs without distraction. This is my case, I have had to learn to make clear boundaries between my time and my daughter’s time. If you give a 100% to them even short periods can have huge positivity in their lives. They need time to talk, to play with you, to ask questions etc. We have to be careful not to replace our time with the kids with the screens, yet I feel so unqualified to make this statement!. 

If nothing is working, the kids can’t be the sacrifice, we have to make big decisions and change our lives. If it is work, change jobs, moving houses, whatever it takes. Ive met people who have moved cities which are cheaper in order to work less and afford. Everyone is different and as long as we are conscious of it, there is always a way out. 

See you soon 

Jambie 

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Children’s mental health: What you need to know

So last week was children’s “Mental health week”. I attended multiple events like many other persons around the country in search for information and solutions to mental health problems that is destroying our world. Although I knew that mental health among children and the world is a big problem, these events have highlighted and renewed my awareness of its scale. It is huge! Scary!

I came out of the events with a lot of information and resources available to victims and their families. Although It is encouraging to see the government doing so much in attempt to tackle the problem, I cant help to wonder how we can successfully stop the effects and the impact it leaves on families, individuals and the society as a whole. The fact that our children are at risk should be rekindling interest in everyones mind right now. This is because, it becomes a generational problem and unless we get on top of it, we have a doomed generation and no one is safe! I’ll try not to scare you but make you aware lol.

Mental health problems affect about 1 in 10 children and young people. There is a common misconception when it comes to children’s mental health and stress, grown-ups tend to perceive the world of children as being happy and carefree. This can lead to unnoticed mental health issues which then escalates to bigger problems like anxiety disorders, depression and suicide.

Unfortunately, Stress can affect very young children  who get anxious, worry,  have feelings of stress and even get overwhelmed by stress leading to depression. Stress in children may not be directly resulting from them. It could be coming from a secondary source like piers, family or friends. Regardless, it still has detrimental effect on their lives and needs to be given attention. Admittedly, as an attendee, I can easily go through the events and take home statistics as opposed to someone watching close circles or Immediate family struggling with these issues especially children. But still the fact that children as young as six years old are falling victim of the various mental health illnesses, is disturbing. 

Although this may not be for everyone, well, it never is until it comes to your Immediate circle, but it is good to know. I observe my daughter sometimes struggling with things that I never struggled with and that I would never consider to be of any importance. Having this information may just give you tips on how to recognise and deal with anxiety, stress in children before it is too late and although it may not be useful right now, you never know when you might need it.

To recap, the most common mental health problems among children include: 

      -Anxiety disorders.

      -Eating disorders.

    -Mood disorders.

      -depression.

Other serious problems include:

    -Schizophrenia.

       -Attention-deficit/hyperactivity

    -Autism spectrum

       -Suicide

    In my opinion, the first group and the most common of these stem from Stress and anxiety. So I am going to discuss Stress and its management in depth and attempt to come a working definition as we will be referring to it from time to time. 

How is stress different from anxiety?

Everyone experiences stress and anxiety at one time or another. The difference between them is that Stress is a response to a threat or a situation, your body’s reaction to a trigger and is generally a short-term experience. Stress can be positive or negative.

Anxiety on the other hand, is a reaction to that  Stress, a sustained mental unrest (disorder) that can be triggered by stress. From a research point of view, stress is ‘the harmful reaction people have to excessive pressure or other types of demand placed on them’, a state of physical, psychological or social flaw which makes individuals feel unable to bridge the gap between the requirements and the expectations placed on them. ‘A mismatch of what one is capable of doing and what one is expected to do’ (Cooper 1998). I really like this definition because it makes it easy to understand the causes of stress too. 

What does anxiety feel or look like?

Anxiety disorders are characterized by a variety of symptoms. One of the most common is excessive and intrusive worrying and self-consciousness that disrupts daily functioning. Other signs include agitation, restlessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, tense muscles and trouble sleeping.

The HSE (Health and Safety Executive) has come up with a list of Six Stress management areas known to cause stress at workout that can also work in other areas like home, family, social organisations, church etc. 

 The six areas are:

• Demands 

• Control

• Support 

• Relationships

• Role 

• Change

I will be discussing each issue separately in the next six weeks so look out for more and participate as I would like to hear what others think or what their experiences are. It is amazing and interesting to see how these areas apply in even normal daily lives especially children so please get in touch and share your experience as we look at them in the coming weeks.

speak soon

Jambie

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Six potential Stressor areas to be aware of

Six Stress management issues to consider. These are the main areas that cause stress at work and that if tackled can reduce stress significantly. They are recommended by the HSE for work related stress but they can also work in other areas, home, family, social organisations, church etc. I will be discussing each issue separately in the next six days so look out for more right here.

  • Demands – this includes issues such as workload, work patterns and the work environment. Basically amount of work/duties expected of you or in your hands.
  • Control – how much say the person has in the way they do their work. This includes the feeling of being controlled and not being considered in decision making.
  • Support – this includes the encouragement, sponsorship, feeling of being appreciated, love received, pat on the back,  resources available to deal with the stressors.
  • Relationships – Relationships can include work mates, family , friends, church mates etc. This can be done by promoting a positive environment,  preventing conflict and dealing with unacceptable behaviour and building rapport and extending to new relationships.
  • Role – whether people understand or accept their role and whether roles  conflict with each others or with other peoples.
  • Change – how change (large or small) is managed and communicated in the individual’s environment or organisation or family.
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Making a ‘bad house’ beautiful. Waiting: the Challenging reality.

Waiting is an ART.

It is sometimes painful, frustrating, enraging and not fun. The dictionary defines waiting as;  staying in a place until an expected event happens

Modern life has completely embraced the fast paced life that requires little waiting if any. Although It sometimes simplifies our life and allows us to do a lot more in a shorter time than we did before, the constant chaotic lifestyle,  loss of temper resulting in rage at fast pace has resulted in problems that we are now struggling to deal with including mental illnesses, Stress and anxiety. 

The waiting room’s magazine selection has got larger and more varied to accommodate the impatient mind that struggles with waiting. The trains are littered with the ‘metro’ newspaper in attempt to occupy the waiting mind. But of all waitings, the one most likely to resonate with me is the waiting for a baby. This in my opinion is a different kind of waiting; an anxious waiting that can be overwhelming. In her book ‘Boggs 2010’  built suspense around this kind of waiting as she explored the different options available to the ‘childless’ woman. It made me wonder if the story would ever result in a real baby……….. Great book!. 

Having crossed that bridge myself, I now find myself waiting again. This time for a ‘bad house’ to become beautiful. This is in no way equal measure or comparison to waiting for a baby. They are two experiences of waiting that I have experienced. Different but painful in their own different ways. 

I have put in the time, the money, a lot of effort and thought has gone into it and still not ‘the beautiful’ house I envisaged. Last week, I was waiting for the handy man to finish putting up the plaster boards on the bathroom wall. I have long wanted to do it myself to reduce the waiting …….probably a bad idea as I am not patient enough to measure and cut the required  corners…..so I have hesitated. However, sitting on my brown dirty leather sofa, my feet frozen from long exposure on the cold floor , I am almost convinced I should give it a go! After all, I did the plastering, when I couldn’t wait any longer!, didn’t I ? Im sure with a bit of patience I can get my pencil out and tape measure and give it a good hour………. I hate waiting!, a sensible thought crosses my mind …..

”Let’s sleep on it and see how it feels in the morning”.

 It would be great to have those plasterboards up before the shower cubicles are delivered in two days. Hhhmmnn.

This week, I am waiting for the hot water tanks, they are expensive, necessary and skilful to install. I will have to wait for the plumber to become available to install once they arrive……aarrgghhh. Then there’s next week waiting for the walls to dry from the recent downpour that has left my walls leaking……then the external wall needs painting when its dry and hopefully sunny, the garden too, then more waiting on the rubbish to be collected before I can start the floors. So much waiting. 

In all this waiting around, I have wondered if there is any good to be found in the waiting,  or Is it all a waste of time ?, to be dreaded ?.

Upon  exploring my own experience of waiting, I found an interesting concept:

pro-active verses passive waiting: The definition indicates that waiting is a state of ‘repose’ until something expected happens, often followed by till, or until;  to not do something until something else happens; a state of expectation or hope that something will happen. Interestingly, the word ‘repose’ means a state of rest, sleep, or tranquillity and is synonyms with  relaxation, restfulness and stillness. This is the state that is expecting in waiting which is completely contrary to what most of us feel while waiting.

In conclusion, although I am stopped, I am actively expecting and hoping that something else will happen. Although my natural response to waiting is anxiety and frustration, I am learning to adopt a state of repose. In this restful state, I can hope that all the things that need to happen will happen in the end  and I will be able to move on. So I take a deep breath in and look ahead and determine to enjoy the time in waiting doing things I love to do. Latest, I am exploring my new hood with my daughter and its been amazing!

Are you a good waiter or a bad one ?, How do you deal with your waiting ? 

Please share with us below.

Thank you, till next time, wait restfully. 

Jambie,

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Making a “bad” house beautiful: ‘Busyness’:The Big Problem

Hello friends. The vision remains to “make this ‘bad’ house beautiful” I am working hard but encountering many problems and issues that I never anticipated. I had counted the cost and determined to finish in the time scheduled……that was the plan anyway. However, some of the issues are difficult to resolve, others have a huge impact physically and emotionally, yet others just stand on the way and block the functioning of the whole or part of the project. All these issues affect my program and schedule. They interfere with the work of other professionals, they affect my other roles or impact on them negatively and in general delay my project while making the whole experience unpleasant and difficult.

But of all the issues I am dealing with, I think the biggest and one that I take responsibility for is ‘BUSYNESS’. I am a single mum of one very active girl. When I say active, I mean active!……which keeps me on my toes. When I am not at birthday parties, I am at school or social clubs, dancing, running, rollerblading, cycling, drama, …oh don’t forget the all important piano and singing………. then  swimming and karate. There is so much pressure to do them all, the little brains are amazing, they absorb information miraculously! so there is constant pressure to grab the opportunity before they change….oh and I forgot to mention the languages French, Spanish, Swahili, Kikuyu……..and I really want her to do Chinese, it’s the future ! isn’t it ? and arabic would be great too lol. The fact is..kids can do it all! its whether the parents can keep up! …sort of! . All these in a seven days then we start all over again tomorrow- Monday. Please note i’m not doing everything listed only because I ran out of hours in my day! a long time ago! lol

I also work to make ends meet, well that’s for the six hours that I am not looking after my little girl. Of those six hours I take two to three hours a day to work on the bad house! I need about eight hours a day to complete this house in time……so we’ve got a problem!. Another thing you didn’t know is that I am ‘green’  hence no car ! so I walk everywhere, much as this is a great way to save the planet, honestly……….. don’t try it at home, It only becomes part of the problem! so why am I doing it?…..that is another long story!

I upgraded/downgraded to a vegetarian from a raw vegan,  the problem with being this kind of a veggie head is that I am always hungry especially because I am now a manual labourer…so I spend more time in the kitchen…with my limited time and the amount of work I have to do, I can’t afford to do this. yet I need multiple warm meals….Another problem.

Then I need to do my 30 mins a day brisk walk for my cardio, thats what the doctor ordered! oh and I need to buy new wellies as the wet season is upon us! aarrgghh!, uniforms and groceries, homework has started this year and the teacher is strict and strictly expects the parental support and participation…………and school holidays are looming three weeks away! lets not go there! we shall cross that bridge when we get there! all this in a day/week, yet the doctor says to sleep at least 8 hours and relax …probably with a bit of yoga or deep breathing before bed…….To be honest, I have been passing on some of these because I am “busy” very busy!

Oh forget about a social life, it is non-existent! sorry friends ! I am busy! thankfully, there is social media………..NO! it’s a ‘trap’ ! tweet, text, facebook, blog and before I know it, its been 3 hours and I haven’t done the dishes, replied to important emails …..and meant to call my family……Im busy! very busy. And don’t forget Brexit…………….. aarrgghhh! It keeps me awake at night! lol

The truth is, ‘Busy” has become an enemy to fulfilling my vision of making this ‘bad house’ beautiful. So what’s a single mum to do to ensure the ‘bad’ house is made  beautiful while still attending to my other roles ? How do I escape from this culture of busyness ?, it seems and feels out of reach right now, everything seems crucial and too important and must be done! …………….but is it ? ; thats the question!

So here are a few things im doing to reduce my busyness:

  1. I have a to-do list. …and have created a ‘not-to-do list so that I don’t pay attention where I don’t need to
  2. I Set parameters around your workday, I have a calendar of work, and I tick it off in the evenings. …
  3. I Schedule downtime usually in the evenings and weekends with my daughter, even short sessions of play seem to work…
  4. I have Let some things go like some clubs have to be dropped and I cook only once a day….but that works for me, may not work for everyone.
  5. I am Saying “no” more! its hard but now I have convinced myself and I am not guilty when I decide to say no…well sometimes I am ..
  6. I Stopped watching TV, although circumstation initially due to lack of power….I don’t miss it though I get curious about Brexit! I loved watching it on 9 pm news! lol
  7. I am unavailable (genuinely);I am Making less commitments or trying to
  8. I Schedule leisure time, Seriously, we have a timetable on the weekend! every 2 hours we do something different. It gives me time to do my things and my daughter todo her things and then we do somethings together! thats working well in my opinion!
  9. I should Give things a home: Everything  its place, keys, money, clothes so that I don’t waste time looking. This is not yet in place, work in progress!
  10. I try to Delegate work even if its small chores but I don’t have a lot of people to delegate to so basically! im doing the majority but daily uniforms are delegated to my daughter, she amazingly arranges her uniforms in a box where she picks from in the morning! Amazing….ok I sometimes have to remind her but she’s good at it! ya!

Thanks for reading ! Have you got any tips for me or how to deal with “busyness” ? how do you deal with yours ? please share

Thanks

Jambie x

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The true effects of stress on Christians

The effects of stress on Christians as written in the Bible seem to contradict the ones stated in research literature. In fact, one of the most mind-boggling effects of stress recorded in the Bible seems to be upside down and does not make sense. I must admit, many times  I have found the ways of God not to make sense; I guess I shouldn’t expect them to, given His ways are much higher than our ways. But before you dismiss the whole thing, let us join James and consider it together:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you  face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-

First of all, to think of stress as joy in any way or form does not make sense. However, let’s deem it to be one of those movies that one only starts to understand towards the end. From verse four backwards, the verse shows off a mature, complete person who lacks nothing. This is the same person who, in verse two, was faced with all kinds of stressors and troubles. But something happened in between when they came to a realisation; they ‘KNEW’ that their trials had a purpose; to test their faith which in turn would produce perseverance and end with maturity. Isn’t that a great backwards verse? 

The notion of pain resulting into joy, has long been explored, written and sang about. In fact, Benjamin Franklin’s eighteenth century phrase sums it up: 

“There are no gains without pains.” 

Additionally, it was used as exercise ‘motto’ in the well-known Jane Fonda exercise videos. It turned out to be true when research studies discovered ‘post traumatic growth (PTG)’. PTG refers to any beneficial change resulting from a major life crisis or traumatic event. Interestingly, people have reported positive shift with new possibilities for themselves, renewed appreciation for life, adopting a new world view, feelings of personal strength, spiritual satisfaction and improved relationships following great trauma. 

Despite the negative effects of stress, like high blood pressure, stroke, indigestion etc, the Christian must remember and appreciate that the end, finished work of the trials and all the related stress and pain, will make them a mature, complete, stronger, wiser Christian. All the people I interviewed, listened to or read about had a common denominator; after the stress, they all said they were stronger and had learnt major lessons. Although God does not bring the stress in our lives, we need to determine to trust Him to use the stress to make us stronger and better in the end. 

As we have now established that stress can affect anyone, including Christians, what is the difference in its management? In my opinion, it is our response to stress that sets us apart. The Christian approach to stress management is easy once we understand the basics and apply the principals of the Bible to it. The Bible seems to take the ‘one size fits all’ approach. Arguably, we all get stressors usually from a common enemy (the devil) and we all have the same solution to our problems (Jesus). Therefore, Christians’ stress should be defined and understood in reference to God, other than our individual ability to cope. However, our resilience and strength comes from God and is strong enough to overcome the problems in life. According to 1 Corinthians 10:13: 

“The temptations in my life are not different from what others face. God is faithful, he will NOT allow the temptation to be more than I can stand; When I am tempted, he will show me a way out so that I can endure it”. 

The scripture confirms that we are not unique in our stress and suffering, others are going through similar stressors. Secondly, God’s faithfulness is our assured promise that He’s got our back and will not allow us to be stressed beyond our ability to manage. Thus, your ability to cope is parallel to the size of the stress. Needless to say, your interpretation of stress changes when you involve God and the actual experience of stress now becomes dependent on God’s subjective appraisal of the stress. As God is faithful and in charge, all stress coming my way is accurately measured and matched to my ability to cope. Therefore, trusting and relying on God becomes the platform from which I manage my stress. 

Do you sometimes wonder how to stay away from the problems of this life that constantly cause stress? I did. In fact, sometimes I was anxious in anticipation of new problems. I knew they would be coming but feared they would be more painful than the previous. I know it sounds stupid but I’d become so fearful of pain, that I was anxious in anticipation. So how can we prevent the negative effects of stress as Christians and stay in peace, despite the stress? I think by now we all agree that problems will come and stress will show up as long as we are in this world. I have personally completely understood that word of God is my weapon and for 

every problem, there is a solution somewhere in the word of God. I just have to find it (easy with Google) then believe it completely and watch the power of the word do its work. I can enjoy a state of inexplicable
peace guarding my heart as I deal with stressful situations. 

Nevertheless, this can be a battle and may need to use more word to fight back, especially on the level of your mind, but bring it on! The word prepares you for the bad times so that you can stand strong in times of stress. I have developed many styles and strategies of dealing with worry, anxiety and stress. The first thing I do is stop whatever I was doing, make myself calm down with a cup of tea, usually that works, then I ask myself questions. Usually I will end up with a list of stressors sometimes small, sometimes big, many times a repetition of yesterday’s worries. Then I will find out what the Bible says about each one of them and do a study on it. If I don’t do that, it will continue to bother me and destabilise me and my day. If I don’t have much time, I will still go through it but faster. 

There is also the proactive approach to stress management, which, in my opinion, is a much better way. Proactive oriented behaviour is one that acts in advance of a future circumstance, rather than just reacting to the problem. It involves taking control and making things happen rather than adjusting to problems or waiting for them to happen. In fact, the prefix ‘pro-’ means ‘before’ so if you are proactive, you are ready before something happens. Proactive behaviour aims at identifying and exploiting opportunities that take preventative action against potential problems and threats. For some people proactive behaviour comes as second nature. However, for many others, it’s a struggle to establish this kind of behaviour and mindset, mostly due to a set of inherent beliefs acquired through practice, culture, family and educational experiences. 

Therefore, to take a proactive approach to finding peace in times of stress would mean, learning about the place of peace and making a decision to get in there, allowing God to shepherd you, staying under His umbrella and constantly striving to remain there. It may be a daily decision or an hourly decision that you keep making until you develop or establish the behaviour. Jules Rendell says it’s like going to the gym and exercising your mind, training it and taking captive of thoughts to make them subject to the spirit of God. It involves letting go of your own effort and letting or allowing God to help you. 

I’m finding more and more that in order to proactively prevent stress I need to have stocked up on the word of God and stay prayed up in preparation so that my response to stress is from God’s perspective. We 

all need to build ourselves up so that we are able to resist every attempt of the devil to steal our peace. The Bible takes a firm stand on peace, with some strong statements coming from Jesus and the apostles. They all insist on peace being ours to claim, a promise and an inheritance at all times. So let us be bold and take a stand to live in peace, with the ability to resist stress and worry. Overall, it is work in progress, but as we learn to spend time in the peaceful dwelling place, we get better and it gets easier. The word prepares us for the bad times so that we can stand strong in times of stress.

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Biblical view and definition of stress

Although I could not find biblical references using the word ‘stress’, it is evident that the Bible addresses stress using other terminologies including: distress, adversity, disaster, tribulations, ordeals, suffering etc.

From a research point of view, stress is defined as ‘the harmful reaction people have to excessive pressure or other types of demand placed on them’, a state of physical, psychological or social flaw which makes individuals feel unable to bridge the gap between the requirements and the expectations placed on them. ‘A mismatch of what one is capable of doing and what one is expected to do’ (Cooper 1998). However, the Christian meaning of the word stress differs from the worldly definition. This is because the appraisal of events differs. It has been suggested that stress, be individually defined and understood with reference to both the individual and his environment by (Marshall & Cooper 1981). In agreement, (Holroyd & Lazarus 1982) insist that the actual experience of stress is highly personal and dependent on one’s subjective appraisal of events. Arguably, stress means different things to different people and their way of managing it, is subjective and dependent on the person.

Contrary to this belief, the bible states that the Christian is only exposed to as much pressure as they can cope with dependence on God and his power other than our own. They are also enabled to deal with all stress and problems that come their way. Hence the response of all Christians is the same “capable” despite the stressor type or the size of the stressor. As it were, the most stressful seasons in our lives reach the summit, the moment we realize we can’t do it all. Hence, the experience and management of the stress for Christians are fully dependent on God rather than the individual.

Therefore, it is important to note that mediating stress requires us to take a good look at ourselves, identify our stressors and commit them to God in full trust other than losing our breath in anxiety and fear.

Notably, the concept of individually defining or understanding life’s experiences is well displayed in the New Testament when Jesus asked his disciples:

“Who do people say I am?”

The disciples gave some answers including Elisha, John the Baptist, Jeremiah etc. Then Jesus further interrogated them:

“But who do you yourselves say that I am ?”

Jesus knew that their personal understanding of who he was would determine how they lived their lives after he was gone. Similarly, the personal understanding and belief of the Christian, will determine how they define and manage stress. Arguably, our position, view and approach to the stress will determine how we manage it. If we look at stress from God’s view and perspective, we will manage it in His way. On the contrary, if we view stress from our own platform, we will manage it according to our own view, feelings and strength. Therefore, let us strive to start from God’s perspective; it’s where the power is. Without His power, it’s too hard to rise up and overcome stress.

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Stress: When you can’t shake it off

Just over five years ago, my life was almost perfect: My business was going well and making good money, my relationship with my partner was good and we were expecting our baby girl. My investments were going well and appreciating as expected. I was happy and surrounded  by many friends and close girl friends who formed my support system. I was undertaking my Masters research project but a year into this, everything went wrong, one by one and in no time, I found myself very stressed and struggling to shake it off.

My daughter was born but although this should have been my greatest moment, I was struggling to keep her safe from the aggression and stress in our home. Soon after this my relationship failed leaving me a single mum with a new born baby and almost homeless. My business started failing as the business relationship struggled  after various conflicts and disagreements leading to multiple litigations and a lot of financial pressure. My girl friends left me, some for work reasons, others were no longer interested due to changes after baby was born. Furthermore, my mum who was supporting me was denied a visa Renewal and has to leave the country.

Consequently, My faith was shaken, the events in my life for the last couple of years had got me doubting my faith in God.  I found myself  asking the usual questions while fluctuating between faith and despair.  How will I cope?, What will happen to my daughter?, I dreaded all the more feeling guilty for not being able to trust God through my situation. I felt like a failure.

Therefore, I spent lots of time analysing my life as a Christian and that of others going through stress. I looked into the bible personalities who had gone through stressful times and how they overcome them. Discovering these stressed people in the bible justified my struggles as I could identify with them without feeling judged or condemned.  Other emotions that were tangled up with stress emerged including fear, guilt and shame. It was during this journey of self discovery that I gradually found peace, a profound peace through a realisation that God is a good, good father who is sympathetic, non judgemental and supportive.

I’d not realised how tightly wound I’d become, wrapped up in the grid of worry and anxiety until I found this place of peace. This place became my perfect escape in times of anxiety and stress. It was a safe, organic place where I could hide and experience the same peace, every time, many times over. In fact, I could continuously dwell in this place of refuge where  stress no longer overwhelmed me.