Making a ‘bad house’ beautiful. Waiting: the Challenging reality.

Waiting is an ART.

It is sometimes painful, frustrating, enraging and not fun. The dictionary defines waiting as;  staying in a place until an expected event happens

Modern life has completely embraced the fast paced life that requires little waiting if any. Although It sometimes simplifies our life and allows us to do a lot more in a shorter time than we did before, the constant chaotic lifestyle,  loss of temper resulting in rage at fast pace has resulted in problems that we are now struggling to deal with including mental illnesses, Stress and anxiety. 

The waiting room’s magazine selection has got larger and more varied to accommodate the impatient mind that struggles with waiting. The trains are littered with the ‘metro’ newspaper in attempt to occupy the waiting mind. But of all waitings, the one most likely to resonate with me is the waiting for a baby. This in my opinion is a different kind of waiting; an anxious waiting that can be overwhelming. In her book ‘Boggs 2010’  built suspense around this kind of waiting as she explored the different options available to the ‘childless’ woman. It made me wonder if the story would ever result in a real baby……….. Great book!. 

Having crossed that bridge myself, I now find myself waiting again. This time for a ‘bad house’ to become beautiful. This is in no way equal measure or comparison to waiting for a baby. They are two experiences of waiting that I have experienced. Different but painful in their own different ways. 

I have put in the time, the money, a lot of effort and thought has gone into it and still not ‘the beautiful’ house I envisaged. Last week, I was waiting for the handy man to finish putting up the plaster boards on the bathroom wall. I have long wanted to do it myself to reduce the waiting …….probably a bad idea as I am not patient enough to measure and cut the required  corners…..so I have hesitated. However, sitting on my brown dirty leather sofa, my feet frozen from long exposure on the cold floor , I am almost convinced I should give it a go! After all, I did the plastering, when I couldn’t wait any longer!, didn’t I ? Im sure with a bit of patience I can get my pencil out and tape measure and give it a good hour………. I hate waiting!, a sensible thought crosses my mind …..

”Let’s sleep on it and see how it feels in the morning”.

 It would be great to have those plasterboards up before the shower cubicles are delivered in two days. Hhhmmnn.

This week, I am waiting for the hot water tanks, they are expensive, necessary and skilful to install. I will have to wait for the plumber to become available to install once they arrive……aarrgghhh. Then there’s next week waiting for the walls to dry from the recent downpour that has left my walls leaking……then the external wall needs painting when its dry and hopefully sunny, the garden too, then more waiting on the rubbish to be collected before I can start the floors. So much waiting. 

In all this waiting around, I have wondered if there is any good to be found in the waiting,  or Is it all a waste of time ?, to be dreaded ?.

Upon  exploring my own experience of waiting, I found an interesting concept:

pro-active verses passive waiting: The definition indicates that waiting is a state of ‘repose’ until something expected happens, often followed by till, or until;  to not do something until something else happens; a state of expectation or hope that something will happen. Interestingly, the word ‘repose’ means a state of rest, sleep, or tranquillity and is synonyms with  relaxation, restfulness and stillness. This is the state that is expecting in waiting which is completely contrary to what most of us feel while waiting.

In conclusion, although I am stopped, I am actively expecting and hoping that something else will happen. Although my natural response to waiting is anxiety and frustration, I am learning to adopt a state of repose. In this restful state, I can hope that all the things that need to happen will happen in the end  and I will be able to move on. So I take a deep breath in and look ahead and determine to enjoy the time in waiting doing things I love to do. Latest, I am exploring my new hood with my daughter and its been amazing!

Are you a good waiter or a bad one ?, How do you deal with your waiting ? 

Please share with us below.

Thank you, till next time, wait restfully. 

Jambie,

Making a “bad” house beautiful: ‘Busyness’:The Big Problem

Hello friends. The vision remains to “make this ‘bad’ house beautiful” I am working hard but encountering many problems and issues that I never anticipated. I had counted the cost and determined to finish in the time scheduled……that was the plan anyway. However, some of the issues are difficult to resolve, others have a huge impact physically and emotionally, yet others just stand on the way and block the functioning of the whole or part of the project. All these issues affect my program and schedule. They interfere with the work of other professionals, they affect my other roles or impact on them negatively and in general delay my project while making the whole experience unpleasant and difficult.

But of all the issues I am dealing with, I think the biggest and one that I take responsibility for is ‘BUSYNESS’. I am a single mum of one very active girl. When I say active, I mean active!……which keeps me on my toes. When I am not at birthday parties, I am at school or social clubs, dancing, running, rollerblading, cycling, drama, …oh don’t forget the all important piano and singing………. then  swimming and karate. There is so much pressure to do them all, the little brains are amazing, they absorb information miraculously! so there is constant pressure to grab the opportunity before they change….oh and I forgot to mention the languages French, Spanish, Swahili, Kikuyu……..and I really want her to do Chinese, it’s the future ! isn’t it ? and arabic would be great too lol. The fact is..kids can do it all! its whether the parents can keep up! …sort of! . All these in a seven days then we start all over again tomorrow- Monday. Please note i’m not doing everything listed only because I ran out of hours in my day! a long time ago! lol

I also work to make ends meet, well that’s for the six hours that I am not looking after my little girl. Of those six hours I take two to three hours a day to work on the bad house! I need about eight hours a day to complete this house in time……so we’ve got a problem!. Another thing you didn’t know is that I am ‘green’  hence no car ! so I walk everywhere, much as this is a great way to save the planet, honestly……….. don’t try it at home, It only becomes part of the problem! so why am I doing it?…..that is another long story!

I upgraded/downgraded to a vegetarian from a raw vegan,  the problem with being this kind of a veggie head is that I am always hungry especially because I am now a manual labourer…so I spend more time in the kitchen…with my limited time and the amount of work I have to do, I can’t afford to do this. yet I need multiple warm meals….Another problem.

Then I need to do my 30 mins a day brisk walk for my cardio, thats what the doctor ordered! oh and I need to buy new wellies as the wet season is upon us! aarrgghh!, uniforms and groceries, homework has started this year and the teacher is strict and strictly expects the parental support and participation…………and school holidays are looming three weeks away! lets not go there! we shall cross that bridge when we get there! all this in a day/week, yet the doctor says to sleep at least 8 hours and relax …probably with a bit of yoga or deep breathing before bed…….To be honest, I have been passing on some of these because I am “busy” very busy!

Oh forget about a social life, it is non-existent! sorry friends ! I am busy! thankfully, there is social media………..NO! it’s a ‘trap’ ! tweet, text, facebook, blog and before I know it, its been 3 hours and I haven’t done the dishes, replied to important emails …..and meant to call my family……Im busy! very busy. And don’t forget Brexit…………….. aarrgghhh! It keeps me awake at night! lol

The truth is, ‘Busy” has become an enemy to fulfilling my vision of making this ‘bad house’ beautiful. So what’s a single mum to do to ensure the ‘bad’ house is made  beautiful while still attending to my other roles ? How do I escape from this culture of busyness ?, it seems and feels out of reach right now, everything seems crucial and too important and must be done! …………….but is it ? ; thats the question!

So here are a few things im doing to reduce my busyness:

  1. I have a to-do list. …and have created a ‘not-to-do list so that I don’t pay attention where I don’t need to
  2. I Set parameters around your workday, I have a calendar of work, and I tick it off in the evenings. …
  3. I Schedule downtime usually in the evenings and weekends with my daughter, even short sessions of play seem to work…
  4. I have Let some things go like some clubs have to be dropped and I cook only once a day….but that works for me, may not work for everyone.
  5. I am Saying “no” more! its hard but now I have convinced myself and I am not guilty when I decide to say no…well sometimes I am ..
  6. I Stopped watching TV, although circumstation initially due to lack of power….I don’t miss it though I get curious about Brexit! I loved watching it on 9 pm news! lol
  7. I am unavailable (genuinely);I am Making less commitments or trying to
  8. I Schedule leisure time, Seriously, we have a timetable on the weekend! every 2 hours we do something different. It gives me time to do my things and my daughter todo her things and then we do somethings together! thats working well in my opinion!
  9. I should Give things a home: Everything  its place, keys, money, clothes so that I don’t waste time looking. This is not yet in place, work in progress!
  10. I try to Delegate work even if its small chores but I don’t have a lot of people to delegate to so basically! im doing the majority but daily uniforms are delegated to my daughter, she amazingly arranges her uniforms in a box where she picks from in the morning! Amazing….ok I sometimes have to remind her but she’s good at it! ya!

Thanks for reading ! Have you got any tips for me or how to deal with “busyness” ? how do you deal with yours ? please share

Thanks

Jambie x